I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
