i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
