Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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