You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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