turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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