I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My life is pants optional.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
