U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i came on her dog
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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