No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
