Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize