She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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