i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
