My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
