I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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