my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
