That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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