Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
