Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize