you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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