I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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