You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
