yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
