booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
