My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
