they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
