"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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