when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
