mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
PANTIES FOUND
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