We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mom said you looked used
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
