No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
