i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
