I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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