that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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