in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
