There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
