I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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