If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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