Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
