Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
