you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Watching her eat just hurts me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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