Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
