You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
