let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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