I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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