It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
