My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
