the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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