you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
