I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
