Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
