billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
