It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everything about him screamed your future.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
