You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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