I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
