i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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