Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
