You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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