we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
