As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
