mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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