So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
