And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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