she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
