Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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