don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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