well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
