it's too hot outside to masturbate.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
