Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize