We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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