after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
