Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
