She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
