Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
