Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
