careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
