I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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