Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
