dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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