Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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