If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
